Obviously just pack your one sweatshirt that you wear all the time. And then summer clothes. If it rains, wear a trashbag. Crisis solved!
Probably the best course of action is to show them your strengths. Hugging them right off is a good way of making friends, because it will show them both your physical upper body strength as well as your strength as a good hugger. You will wow them even more if you don’t let go. Ever.
Honey, I would hate me too if I were using noses in smiley faces. Come on, sugar, it’s not 2007.
JK, #realtalk: you’re fabulous like marshmallows are fabulous (here’s a hint: everyone wants marshmallows and you in the summer time). Get off your self pity swing and do something. There’s nothing the YLSB crew hates more than pitiful whiners, so shut up the self-hate and we’ll love you.
Quick poll of dinner table shows: all females say no, go for it! Resident male says: eww, that is gross.
I say, try to keep your business on the quiet side and no one has to know what’s going on. Everyone wins: your bladder and your boyfriend!
Dear Petrified Pee-er,
Nothing that they don’t hear is gross.
Show yo cat who is boss. Put it in a box and set it out by the street. I’m sure it will be nice to it’s new owner.
Obviously us. Duh. Write in “Your Life Sucks, Bro” for ASUAF Student Body President.
Literally take a whole orange and smash it onto his forehead. Then exclaim “You’ve been CRUSHED.”
You better smash hard or the orange will not burst,
Dear friend-zoning girl,
EAT THE CHOCOLATE. That is always the answer to any problem.
NOM NOM NOM,
I think a poetic way to reject his advances would be to melt all of the chocolate and then use it to paint a public space (say, dorm room door) with the words “NO WAY, JOSÉ”. Then stomp on the box and leave it shattered, like his heart.
This is not something special. He is literally trying to plump you up… so that when he becomes a zombie, your body will be a better food source.
Eat and bite wisely,
Dear Blinded by Bread,
This could be something special, but it is more likely an attempt at poisoning. Feed some bread to his dog and then casually mention it and watch his reaction.